I went to Hebrew school. I had a Bat Mitzvah.
I'm not observant, unless you count buying boxes of matzah on sale to make fried matzah.
I'm probably spelling it wrong. The box says "matzos," but I always heard and said it "matzah." Fried matzah.
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Although my life is really awful, I am not in the dire situation described at the previous page. Unfortunately, I'll be 46 this summer...