Depressing

I don't know how to describe how depressing the thought of having sex with a conglomerate abuser is.

Maybe people who willingly participate in voluntary pornography like the thought of being with people who tell them "I want to do it like you do it in your films," but I don't.  I really hate people referencing my criminal victimization; it reminds me not only of my lack of control over my life but of how much other people have enjoyed exploiting me.

It is also depressing how many times I have said this.  After a while, you feel like your life is worse than futile, that you are destined for relentless misery.  It's like being hit all the time.  That's how it feels.  I feel battered, and I think that the minimization and ridicule with which the conglomerate responds to my saying things like that are typical of severely abusive situations, particularly severely abusive situations in which the victim is isolated, there are a lot of abusers, and the abuse has been constant for years.

Buy an inflatable Lena doll.  That's all I can say.  You'll never know the difference, you're so wrapped up in what you want to believe, and you can program her to say what you want, when you want it.  You can even program her to say things such as "YOU'RE DISGUSTING," so you can literally laugh in her face while you rape her.