I started the Instagram because I thought it would reduce static at this blog. I didn't think it was improving my credibility to have seemingly trivial conversations with celebrities interspersed with other discussions. It is easy to forget how influential celebrities are; as childish as they are, there is no conversation that involves them at this level that is actually trivial.
If you read through everything that I wrote yesterday, it should be clear that I am hemmed in from meeting regular people and have been routinely bullied for attempting to do so.
If you don't try to understand, you won't. I guarantee that you haven't been through anything like this.
I don't drink alcohol at all. I don't smoke. I don't do drugs. I have psychologically survived what really has been an apocalyptic, relentless onslaught on me and also on human rights by humanizing people who are not humanizing me and by forging emotional connections to others when it's possible. Like most people in abusive situations, I attach to what is good and ignore or confront what is bad according to what I can cope with.
Most of the time, I don't care if I live or die. I don't remember the last time that I had a day during which I didn't think about suicide.
I can't go to counseling to talk about what's going on. It will immediately be assumed that I am psychotic and very delusional. I have tried it before.
In addition to having rejected every famous person who has ever offered to sleep with me with whom I have interacted online, I haven't even interacted with most of the famous people who have made overtures for a decade and counting. I'm not trying to brag; there's nothing to brag about. None of them have the slightest concern for me as a human being, or for any of the other victims, either.
If I were now or had ever been interested in accepting having been degraded, or if I were manipulative and unscrupulous, I would not be poor. These are not people whose personal or professional culture frowns upon women who profit from acting as if they like being degraded, manipulative and unscrupulous.
I don't have to be in the middle like this, living alone, vulnerable to anyone who hacks the hidden, illegal cameras in every room of my apartment. Anyone could livestream audio and night-vision recordings of my bowel movements to the Internet at any time. As much as they all pretend that my victimization is funny and a mutually enjoyable game, not one of them would consent to live how my poverty forces me to live. All of them would sue and imprison anyone who tried to treat them the way that the conglomerate treats people who are not wealthy. If I had stopped criticizing them and sucked up to them instead, one or several of them would have paid for me to live somewhere else, without cameras. Then I would have been bought.
The years of negligence by everyone whose job it is to protect the public from abuse have made many people from the entertainment industry think that criminally victimizing the public with voyeurism is normal. They don't feel bad. They feel entitled. My attempts to help them understand have been futile so far, whether I'm angry or conciliatory. The burden of making them understand never should have been placed on me; I'm the last person whom they're going to listen to, since I am the person who is most abused.
I'm not committing, enabling, condoning or ignoring crime. I'm the only person who is talking about it. What else does anyone think I should be doing about it? I do not have the power to have it stopped. The people who do have that power have chosen not to use it for a decade and counting.
