The Orgasm Credit Card

March 21, 2019

Lena Kochman
Homeless

The Conglomerate
World Power Establishment



Dear Conglomerate:

I am having difficulty locating the paperwork that I need to fill out to apply for my yearly, conglomerate-approved allotment of orgasms.  Actually, I'm having difficulty ascertaining from any source what the approved allotment of orgasms for a woman is.

I probably should have done more research sooner.  After having tried for years to understand the cause of your behavior toward me, I finally have realized that you feel that I have overstepped my bounds by thinking that I don't need a husband, a boyfriend or any type of other, significant or insignificant, to have an orgasm that doesn't make me a bad person.  The analogy that seems most similar is to that of the previous laws that prevented women from being approved for their own credit cards.

I am therefore requesting information about:

-how many orgasms per year I am allowed

-if there is a form that I can also submit which will allow me to have orgasms without assistance from another person, and also without being slut-shamed for them

-where and when I am allowed to have my ration of orgasms

-the method by which I am allowed to elicit them

-how long they're supposed to take (I have gathered, without being told in so many words, that your determination of my value as a person is inversely proportional to the speed with which I'm able to achieve orgasm without another person, alcohol or other drugs.  I don't want to offend your sensibilities while you're illegally watching and recording me everywhere that the law says I'm supposed to have privacy, so please advise as to this crucial issue.)

-if I'm going to have to do jail time for not needing anything in particular to feel like having an orgasm; no mood lighting, no romance, no erotic literature, no self affirmations or conviction, deluded or not, that someone loves me, not even visual stimulation of the type that seems to be growing in acceptance for women even though the double standard for masturbation hasn't changed

-if I will continued to be confined to masturbation for the rest of my life, i.e. are you going to continue to invade my privacy to such an extent that I'll never be able to date?  What you've seen me do has always been much more compelling for you than it is for me; I'd like to have a real sex life, and I can't, because you won't stop persecuting me. 

-if it is possible for me to have an orgasm during which I won't be filmed


Lena Kochman


P.S.  Please don't respond to this inquiry by saying "You can have as many orgasms as you want, Baby, you're so hot, we'll be watching."  To be honest, the only tangible, rather than philosophical, good thing about the spider veins, cellulite and various other unpleasantries of physical aging is that every year it is more obvious to me that the conglomerate's abuse of me never had anything to do with what I look like.  That this was always a crime of power is more naked than I am, every time that it happens.