I think that I was expected to kill myself from the shame of being filmed in the bathroom. My insistence that it's the conglomerate that should be ashamed, not me, doesn't seem to have convinced my abusers that I don't deserve to continue to be criminally violated every day.
Even now, the only thing that is making them worry is that, when the public finally knows that they've been voyeuristically victimizing all sorts of people for years, the public will be mad. For me to have said "Stop. Please. You are hurting me and a lot of other people" was never a deterrent. That it is a crime was never a deterrent. That it is wrong was also never a deterrent, nor did all of the above stop them from thinking that it was the funniest thing in their lives.
I hope that all of the people who have chalked their disgusting abuse of me up to desperate, undying love will stop their fatuous posturing about that. You did not love me. To love a person, you have to think that she is a person, a human being. If that's not what you think, then what you're feeling isn't love. I know that's not what you think; it's not what you ever thought about me. Nobody who is treated the way that you have treated me is or was a loved person. No matter what you feel now, no matter what you ever feel, it is immaterial to me. Test that statement at your peril, as much peril as my embarrassing you yet again with scornful rejection can be for people who are permanently anesthetized by money and egotism.
It is shocking how many people know that the voyeurism is happening every day, how many have known, while they have done nothing and do nothing to stop it. I know that if I weren't the victim, if I knew that this were happening to other people, even people whom I didn't like, I would do something about it immediately. I don't know what to think about that glaring difference between me and everyone who is allowing these crimes to continue every day. For lack of a better word, it is incomprehensible.
