In the Boston Sports Clubs locker rooms 2017-2019

After my 2nd eviction in a row for protesting against having hidden, illegal cameras in my home, and 6 years of nonstop abuse by the conglomerate, I began to realize the futility of things such as wearing clothes or towels in the shower at the gym.  Everything that I had done in my last 2 apartments to protect my modesty, such as turning off the lights to shower or change clothes, had done nothing except make the conglomerate laugh and add "We're going to turn those lights on" to its list of taunts.

When I started showering at the gym in my 5th and then 6th year of homelessess as if there were no hidden, illegal cameras in the locker rooms, the conglomerate celebrated its victory.  The many other people being unwittingly, criminally victimized were of as little import to the conglomerate as they have been since this type of illegal, lewd, inexcusable surveillance-as-entertainment began in 2011.

I think that the typically self-serving interpretation that individuals made of my ceasing to devote more of my time and energy to protecting a modesty which the conglomerate has never acknowledged other than to ridicule and threaten it no matter what I do was to tell themselves not that I was capitulating unwillingly to the hateful reality imposed on me but that I was ceasing to "lie" about not liking it.

They wanted to think that I was letting them in.  It doesn't seem to have occurred to anyone that I was letting them go.  They have taken what they wanted from me for so many years that they finally made me realize that empathy and responsibility are not feelings in their emotional vocabulary and that I did not have to continue to think of them as individuals rather than as the vicious mob that they are.  My abject, implacable hatred of them as my core feeling about them even in the midst of my ongoing, abuse-imposed isolation seems to be surprising them.

These are people who think that they can do no wrong and who expect a forgiveness that they don't value, have never requested, and have done nothing to earn.

I don't know why they thought that my publishing the contact information for Crime Stoppers in Boston and asking that people who knew that I was telling the truth contact the police was another "lie" about hating to be filmed in the bathroom.  No matter how many times I published that information and asked for that help, nobody, not one person, tried to help, and those crimes have proliferated.

New Year's 2020 will be the start of another year of the wealthy and the powerful criminally victimizing everyone else.  There are so many people who know and who have known that I'm telling the truth that the additional burden of losing all faith in humanity has been added to everything else that I'm trying to cope with.  I can't say that it's a heavier burden than knowing that I have been visually, sexually assaulted by countless people and will continue to be visually, sexually assaulted by countless more every day for the rest of my life.  I can't say that it's a heavier burden than knowing that these visual, sexual assaults have incalculably raised my risk of being sexually assaulted in person, maybe even multiple times throughout my life; nobody has stopped the visual assaults, so why would physical assaults be stopped, either? I just won't be believed and they'll continue until I'm murdered.

Losing all faith in humanity while every last person who could help chooses not to and many people who could help have chosen to ignore everything other than their wish to think that this is all really fun, that there's nothing wrong with it and that I'm a lying, manipulative slut; I can't say it's a heavier burden than the crimes committed against me.  I don't know how to describe it.  Maybe it's like being poisoned and dying a slow death.  Maybe it's like freezing to death.  To be honest, it often feels like wanting to kill someone, and I don't know if I could be in the same room with any of the people who have done this without trying to hurt them.  It's even worse than wanting to kill someone, though; it's a feeling past revenge.  I think I have to call it absolute hopelessness, and a hatred that will never heal.

I try to be reasonable in the midst of all this.  I try not to relinquish the idea that my efforts toward a productive life aren't wasted.  I try to maintain the hope that all of humanity can't be this bad.  Sometimes I even hope that the group of people who have proven that they are this bad will do something else, and then I see how happy they are the way that they are and that faint hope dies again.

People who want to investigate this issue should start with these Boston Sports Club locations:

-Harrison Avenue, Boston (it's the location nearest to the Pine Street Inn, where there are also cameras in the women's locker room).

-Downtown Crossing, Boston

-The Prudential Center, Boston

-Central Square, Cambridge

The cameras aren't just in the showers.  They are in the changing areas, the toilet stalls, anywhere that someone following directions from the many videos online about "how to install hidden cameras" could put a camera.  The men's locker rooms should also be investigated; voyeurs don't care who their victims are, since their primary goal is power.

YouTube doesn't seem to be worried about all of the videos filmed of women by hidden cameras that people have already uploaded to YouTube.  Apparently, YouTube doesn't think these crimes violate its guidelines, and the people who posted them aren't worried that local, state or federal officers might start spending part of their workday looking online for the video evidence of these crimes or their perpetrators.

There are no bystanders to voyeurism; everyone who knows and who takes no action is culpable.  It's not physically dangerous to intervene, to try to help.

I never could have thought that an entire group of people in the 21st century, who have every material advantage and who are trusted and cared about by so many, could collectively decide to be so despicable and to portray cowardice and corruption as if they are courage and honor.