Brad Pitt

Where were you kicking Angelina Jolie in the fight scene from "Mr. & Mrs. Smith?" In the place where she later carried three of your biological children?

Outside of the disgusting fantasy world that you all live in, most women can't fight back.  Unlike viewers, they're not shielded from the pain by couches.

That's what I was thinking when I watched that clip at my phone a few days ago, although I didn't talk about it.  I didn't blog about it.  I didn't film a video talking about it at my hacked phone.

It seems to me that my being expected to give an explanation for totally innocuous things that I do wherever I have what is supposed to be the legally protected, reasonable expectation of privacy is abusive.

I'm sure that you don't think about it that way, and neither does Saturday Night Live.

Were you invited to host the show because I watched that clip at my phone?

Here's an explanation that I hope will help to alleviate your decade of consternation at my lifetime of having no interest in dating you:

Dunno.  You just never did it for me, and that was even before I knew what you and the rest of the M&E industry are really like.

I feel that way about a lot of people from that industry.  I know it's provoked a debilitating neurosis for them, which is why they feel the need to watch me in the bathroom and monitor me everywhere that technology and the lack of scruples make invasions of my privacy possible.