That's a pound less than yesterday and six pounds less than when I published a page on June 23rd, "There's nothing like feeling fat when you're not."
I don't think that I'm going to end up with a life-threatening eating disorder. However, there are other ways of having body dysmorphia. Although I am no more impressed by the conglomerate's vicious stupidity today than I was in 2010, a decade of being bullied and sexually harassed about my body has had psychological effects.
I have recorded my weight every day since June 25th. I have done that so that I would stop stepping on the scale whenever I thought about my weight. I weigh myself once a day, record my weight and do not allow myself to step on the scale again until the next day.
At 18, my weight fluctuated from 118 to 128 and I never gave it another thought. That was also true during my 20's and my 30's. This is the only apartment that I have ever had in which I have had a scale. I bought it so that I would have an objective measure and to try to stop freaking out from thinking that I was fat.
I have never before in my life, while weighing under 130, had thoughts such as "Just a few more pounds" several times a day. I have now had those thoughts for months. I have had them during these weeks that I have recorded my weight, during which the highest weight was 129.8. I have had those thoughts while steadily losing these 6 pounds. I have them now, thinking about weighing 115 pounds.
I don't need pity. I can take care of myself. However, there was never a reason for even one day of the conglomerate's bullying and sexual harassment, let alone a decade and counting. I am not a body. I am a person.
